do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
