and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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