roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
