Will you blow on my dice?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
