I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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