If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
