I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
