Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
