I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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