And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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