My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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