Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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