No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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