brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't want my vagina anymore.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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