Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
