Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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