You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
