Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
