You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
