3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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