im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
