A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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