he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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