It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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