come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
