her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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