Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
