I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
