Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm too high and old for this...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
