literally had 100 drinks last night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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