is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
