my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
