I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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