I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
