70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
