You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
