So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
