Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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