i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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