How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
