i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
