WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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