i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
