I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I forget how to act sober
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