I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
