Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
