I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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