i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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