After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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