I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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