Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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