I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
