she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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