Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
