I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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