Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
