i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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