I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
