so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
