where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
