Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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