I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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