Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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