I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
