Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
