it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
