You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize