ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
