I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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