my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
