Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
