All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
