You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
