Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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