He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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