Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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