woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
