He had one of those small greek statue penises
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
