I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
