...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
